I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
