Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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