I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
