No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
