We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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