I am puke
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
