We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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