God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
