Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
