My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
