It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
