Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
