The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
