i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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