Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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