Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize