that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
third nipple confirmed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
