I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
