I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
