is your mom at the bar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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