he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
did i just pee glitter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
