and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
