I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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