Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
