Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
