I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
