How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
