she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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