Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize