Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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