we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
