Can i not drive my cunt home
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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