Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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