you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
