I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
