I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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