I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
