3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize