she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
