I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
a search helicopter?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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