you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
