he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
