my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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