He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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