Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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