Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
how does that bad decision feel?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
