You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
