There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
