Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
