Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
