And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
