im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize