i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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