you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
