Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
