Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
