So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
