I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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