oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
