can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The power of my boobs compel you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
