Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
