Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
