no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
