I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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