It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
