oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
