youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
