how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
