For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
