so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
