If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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