You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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