With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
