Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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