He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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