There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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