You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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