Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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