I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize