So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
