Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
