I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
