3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
