we made out on top of his cat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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