I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
