Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
