I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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