I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
