So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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