She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
