so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize