I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
