it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
