2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
