The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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