I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
