Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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