Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
