If i come over, it means nothing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
