I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
