I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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