that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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