She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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