its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
birth control should be required to get into college
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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