Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
