I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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