I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
