Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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